S. DeGennaro, Writer/Director/Producer

S. DeGennaro's precise origins are shrouded in mystery. All that we know for sure is that he appeared on the Austin film scene, apparently fully-formed, sometime in 2007.

His criminal record is prodigious. According to sealed court records obtained through the Freedom From Information Act, his most successful and longest-running con involves duping unsuspecting filmmakers and production companies into hiring him for his dubious talents as a sound engineer and sound designer. His victims — currently estimated in the hundreds — include a Student Oscar™ winner, several Cannes laureates, and untold scores of suckers filmmakers in Austin and its surrounding environs.

A variation on the scheme netted him work on Terrence Malick's Palm d'Or-winning The Tree of Life, for which he consulted** on astronomical issues.

His first film, Star Formation, has been rejected by such prestigious festivals as Sundance, Tribeca, and SXSW.

First Date is his second, and — God-willing — final film.

**(i.e., made stuff up)

Randi R. Ludwig, Producer

Randi R. Ludwig never imagined she'd be a movie producer, and if she had, she'd never have imagined producing something like First Date. But for whatever reason, fate intervened — fate, in this case, taking the form of an unusually large living room, capable of accommodating a complete bathroom set.

But once the die was cast, she settled into the role admirably, quickly shifting from in-name-only to full partner and indispensible part of the process. From her first involvement (mere seconds after the first draft of the script was completed) through the final post-production tweaks some eighteen months later, there's not a single decision, down to the smallest, in which she did not play a pivotal role. Ms. Ludwig was the voice of sanity, and if, in the final product, you are unable to detect any sanity whatsover, she's certainly not the person to blame.

Her previous production credits include the critically acclaimed Alena Worhatch: A Minor.

When she's not gently reminding her fellow producer to pick up his dirty underwear, she can be found staring at the stars or teaching college students about the wonders of the universe.

Jimmy Gonzales, Primadonna

Jimmy understands intuitively what it takes to be a true movie-star: ridiculous demands, on-set temper tantrums, and no patience for complete idiots. The latter made life very difficult on the set of First Date, which was staffed almost entirely by idiots (for proof, see the final product).

As an example of Jimmy's helpful and cooperative nature, when we asked him to provide us with some biographical information, he sent us the following:

"Hello my name is Jimmy Gonzales. I've been a professional actor for 10 years. I am from the barrios of Mexico. I now own those same barrios. By raising the rent on the long-term tenants — some of whom helped raise me — I pay my mortgage. I also live in Austin, Texas where I can be seen in several independent industrial training videos. I do not know if creativity runs in my family, because I've never met them, but I thoroughly enjoy the process. I also enjoy NASCAR culture, CHE Guevara T-shirts and fine (box) wine served to me by an illegal alien stripper. I believe in women's rights. My mother was busty, so that pretty much means I'm attracted to busty women. I love the sheer shock on people's faces when they walk in front of my car, expecting me to stop for them to cross the street, then I don't. Right now, I wish I had that car. It was a Nissan Altima. It was an automatic. Sometimes I cried in that car."

FYI, we're pretty sure most of that is made up; but with Jimmy, who knows?.

Victoria Eisele, "Girl"

The last thing Victoria remembers, before waking up with a massive headache and two missing weeks, is a sketchy voice saying, "Here, Victoria... drink this. It'll relax you for the audition." I mean, really, Your Honor, how else were we going to get someone with her grace and poise to star in this travesty?

Luckily for us, even drugged to the gills and barely conscious, Victoria can still act circles around most of her peers (we're looking at you, Jimmy).

Victoria has been acting since she was a wee lass performing skits for her family over every Thanksgiving turkey or birthday cake. After trotting the boards for all of middle school and high school, Victoria pursued a BFA in Theatre Performance at Baylor University. At Baylor, she discovered other facets to her prodigious creativity: set construction and painting, costume design, and hair and make-up.

After graduation, Victoria returned to her hometown of Austin to venture into the professional world of acting. Tragically**, this past May, Victoria married her soul mate (another actor — how very Brad and Angelina of them). Since then, she has appeared in several short films and commercials.

**(not for her, of course, but for the men of the world)

Michael Cohen, Composer

A founding member of two seminal 90's bands out of South Florida — Stealth and The Flaky Peppers — Mike has been writing music since before he learned to write his own name. Throughout high school, he repeatedly beat out First Date director S. DeGennaro for every musical award the school offered. Steve insists to this day that some sort of cheating (or sexual favors) must have been involved, but in reality, Mike is just a far better musician. Bastard.

While an undergraduate at Harvard, Mike nearly became the first student in the 200-plus-year history of the Hasty Pudding Musical to compose the music for four consecutive years. He was narrowly beaten out his sophomore year by Rashida Jones, who, in addition to being a talented composer and actress, had Mike utterly beat in the "hotness" category.

Mike attended the prestigious USC film scoring program and in short order went on to write music for assorted movies and television shows, including The Hebrew Hammer and VH1's "Behind The Music".

When not composing, Mike over-achieves in other areas as well, taking first place on the Food Network's "Ultimate Recipe Showdown" with his Northern Italian Trattoria Burger, and winning $25,000 for his Roasted Cranberry Dessert Quesadillas from Ocean Spray. He is currently the reigning chicken soup champion.

Drew Daniels, Director of Photography

Drew Daniels's first ventures in filmmaking started with skateboarding and took him across an ocean, from Puerto Rico to the University of Texas at Austin, where he double majored in RTF-film production and Spanish.

Drew has shot documentary and narrative shorts and features that have premiered at such prestigious film festivals as Tribeca, Traverse, and SXSW. His sharp eye and spontaneity mark his cinematography and make him a DP to look out for in the near future.

Shortly before the shooting of First Date, Drew was involved in an unfortunate accident involving a radioactive keg of beer and a mutated bol weevil. He woke the next morning to discover that he had amazing but mostly useless superpowers, including exceptional wiping, the ability to make trees grow faster, and an uncanny knowledge of the history of the bow tie in Far-Eastern cultures.

At night, as his dashing alter-ego "Brew Daniels", he has been seen streaking across Austin faster than a speeding pelican, helping cats cross the street, rescuing old ladies stuck in trees, and generally keeping the world safe from the forces of, if not evil, per se, then at least a low-grade surliness.

He will be missed dearly. In lieu of flowers, please make a donation to your local "Thrill-kill" shelter.